Mixed emotions day

Well, after hounding Jeremy for several months and even trying to look into getting his case dismissed, he actually responded and scanned copies of papers for the divorce. He also told me that he's going to go back to court next week to put in the rest of the papers so our divorce will be finalized. Now for the mixed emotions. I did once love this man and would have and did do everything possible to make our lives work. I even was the one that asked him to marry me. Unfortunately, he lied and betrayed me, hence the reasons why I moved out. That's the short of it. We even tried to make it work just a year ago. In about 2 weeks, will be the anniversary of where he threw his wedding band at me and screamed that our marriage was really over after me wanting to spend quality time with him and the cunt continually interrupting. At one point in our lives, we would talk on the phone for hours and hours. We never wanted to be apart. Exactly where did it go wrong? Was it when we first moved out of Mother Dear's and into a cramped small apartment and I couldn't deal with his mess? Was it one of the several other times we decided to get back together behind others' backs? In the back of my head, I always knew that he would end up with the cunt but I always wanted to defy fate. So this closure, as much as it is needed and wanted so I can move on with my life, it still hurts to think that I lost my best friend to lies and betrayals.
And now I'm alone with my thoughts as Scott went to play games, which was planned earlier on this week. Unfortunately, I don't know when he's coming home and he's talking about staying out late. I could really use some cuddle time with him. The situation with Jeremy has put my relationship with Scott into perspective. I am now with a man who loves me and that I love wholeheartedly. I don't need to lie to him. I don't feel like I'm being betrayed or being lied to. I don't need to have day after day, week after week, month after month of yelling and screaming. i don't even need an hour. One of Scott's friends stated that we are so stupidly in love. Yes, I am in love with Scott and again, I am so thankful that he is in my life. He challenges me and my ways of dealing with conflict. He shows me appreciation. He tries to make sure that I'm happy. I have not had one suicidal thought since I've been with Scott-an amazing feat considering that since I was about 12, I've always wanted to die. I now have reasons to smile. I want to do the little things for him like make sure that he eats a healthy dinner and rub his sore back and neck. I like looking forward to him coming home every night. I enjoy just sitting on the couch with him and just resting in his arms. So despite the drama with Jeremy, I'm know that I have a rock at home in Scott.