I'm angry. Very very angry. And no matter how well I think I'm hiding it, it isn't working. You know it's bad when your boss calls you a troll. I don't know if it's because I'm exhausted. Sick and tired of being lied to. Just the general dealing as a supervisor. Not having a couch or chair to relax in when I get home. What I went through a few weeks ago. Knowing that I'll be on vacation from work but have no plans of doing anything or going anywhere. I'm not happy. Now in order to change some things, it will be huge risks that I'm not 100% sure I'm ready or willing to try to do. But, then again, I may never be and I could be miserable for the rest of my life which isn't fair to me.
I've been going through some things the last month or so and it's all taking it's toll on me. The surgery, the not seeing Joey as much due to his going back to school, being lied to at work, not being listened to at work or at home, the finding out that my parents are moving to Kentucky, the seeing my past get hurt and me wanting to physically be there for them, the constant driving and watching the gas prices go up and up.
I wish I had the money or at least contact with a massage therapist to get a proper body massage and to try to relax. I feel like I can't enjoy the things that I like to do (crafting, reading, etc) because I'm always thinking about work no matter how hard I try to leave it at work (doesn't help when I bring home the paperwork). I wish I could not be so tired and do the crafting I want to do. I almost wish I had my subway commute back so I could be reading as much as I used...almost you NYers out there.
My boss asked me today what she/they as in the agency, could do to help me not breakdown. I just wanted to go on a tirade with that one. I'm like, where do you want me to start? The lying, the petty arguments in front of my staff that they don't need to witness, the lack of communication, the constant attempts of putting a square peg in a round hole?
I think that my social work career is finally coming to a head and I need to figure out how much longer do I stay in it and how daring do I want to be in going ahead in doing something different and then figure out what that something different is. I'm tired of helping others. I'm tired of people in general. I would love to just be a hermit for a while and not have to deal with anyone.
I know that some will read this and feel they shouldn't come to me about their problems. If I really am your friend and have been recently helping you or at least listening to you, you don't need to stop coming to me. I'm just frustrated with my job and my future.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
wishing you well hoping it gets better, praying you can sleep at night cause... you can get a bit irate... words from Denzel "We do what we have to, so we can do what we want to."
Post a Comment