Reflective

I've been more reflective lately. Why you might ask. Well just over a year ago, my heart was broken. Extremely broken. More than when my marriage fell apart. More than when I lost my first love. More than when my fiancee and I called it quits...over and over again. Just over a year ago, Scott and I broke up. My life was shattered and the only thing I could hold onto was work and my cats. I cried for 10 days straight. Just cried. Tried to figure out where the hell I went wrong. Did I push too hard to leave NYC? Did I try to keep him at home too much? Did I not give him enough Scott time? Scott has always said, and still does as we are still friends, that I didn't really do anything to push him away. He states that the love for me died. How does love die? About a month or so ago, he admitted something that I knew was the case over a year ago. It hurts to know that he finally realizes that something. Something that I had told him and asked for him to try to change so it would stop interfering with us. Something that if it was dealt with then, we might not be where we are now.
A lot has happened in the past year. I left the security of NYC and my union job with excellent benefits to come to NC where my life has been turned 180 degrees. I've almost lost one of my best friends through this process. I've gained a good friendship and relationship with Joey. I've broken a heart that never deserved to be broken. I've lost my job and a sense of security that I've had since I was 22. And I still continue to speak with Scott on a regular basis-odd I know. I still have my wonderful pain-in-the-butt cats.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. I'm happy that Scott is giddy in his new relationship-reminds me how we were 3 years ago. I'm happy that things have settled down for him. I know that he never meant to hurt me. Maybe that's why it has hurt all the more. I'm glad that I have Joey in my life. If I didn't move down here, I never would have met him. I'm happy to be out of NYC...even though I miss my wacky friends, the wonderful benefits, the stability, and the commute I had so I could read.
I'm hoping that this year's challenges will soon stop and I can move forward in a healthy way. And then I can be reflective of how much of a survivor I am dealing with a different type of crisis.