Scott gave me some news yesterday...he's engaged...to a woman he's only been dating a few months....the same time frame when we had first started talking about us getting married....and look what happened to us. I'm trying my best to be happy for him. He's a good guy and deserves to be happy but wtf is wrong with me that we couldn't have taken it the next level? It's not that we hadn't discussed it. We had. We spoke about the where, kinda the when and it just didn't happen. We had spoken about leaving the City and moving out West. Never happened. It hurts to see the man that I left not even a year ago be engaged to someone he's only known a few months. Makes me feel that our almost 2-year relationship was for nothing. I know Scott will read this and tell me that the relationship wasn't for nothing. Scott, I know this. I know that you have appreciated and still appreciate me in your life. His sister and sister-in-law continue to send me pictures of their kids. I love seeing them but at the same time it hurts because I miss them and wish that I could see them in person to give them the hugs that I want to give them.
And then things have been rocky with Joey and I lately. And from both of them, I've always heard that it's not me, it's them type of thing. Well, what the hell. If it's not me, then why do I keep going through this crap?
So I'm through with 2008. This has been such a shitty year. It seems like anytime something was starting to go my way, something else just falls apart. How I've managed to not become severely depressed or suicidal, I'll never understand because that's what the old Jen would have done. As I told Scott yesterday, 2008 has been a shitty cake and his news was the icing on top of it. So can we just fast forward the calendar to 2009 and hope that it's a helluva lot better than 2008?
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1 comment:
You sent me a hug... let me send you one too. (((hug))) Sounds like we both could rip 2008 off the calendar and not miss it.
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