One month later

It's been a month since Scott and I broke up. It's been a roller coaster ride for me at first but I think that my emotions are starting to settle down. I've been trying to respect Scott's decision even though I don't completely understand it and feel that he has lost something extremely valuable. But he made the choice and we are both dealing with it. I still love him. I still care about him. I still care about his family. But, I'm coming to the conclusion that I guess it just wasn't meant to be. So I'm starting to do the things that I need to do to take care of myself. For one, that means for me to get the hell out of New York City. I have a couple of options ahead of me and I will be exploring them. Of course, the idea of starting over again in a new city or even a new state is kinda terrifying. If Scott was to change his mind about us, I would reconsider but only if I felt that we were both going to give it our all and we were both on the same page. I do wonder if he misses me or us. That's normal. I do wish that I could just sleep next to him but that would just be wrong. But I have to do what I have to do for myself. I feel much stronger than I did a couple of years ago when I was going through the hell that I went through with Jeremy. I feel that I am mentally at a better place-one that allows me to not wallow in the sadness and focus on what I need to do for myself. I hope that Scott will be there as my friend for the rest of our lives if I cannot have him as my love.