So now I have deal with my fat issues by myself once again. No support. You laugh and hurt my feelings. Do you tell me how I look? Nope. Instead you have sat in bed telling me about others. We sit and watch television and say who is pretty and who isn't. So do I hear how you feel? Nope. Sure maybe by body language. But there are times when the words are much more important. This is one of those times. I tell you almost everyday how cute or sexy I think you are. Do I hear the same? No. I even tell you that you don't tell me those things and what do you do? Absolutely nothing. No response. Nothing. I've asked you time and time again to show some sort of acknowledgement that you heard me. So now, I'm up, hurt, and upset because nothing gets resolved other than you fall asleep.
The good thing is that you have only reinforced what I know. I need to continue to make myself number one. I need to reassure myself because obviously, I'm not going to hear it from you and I'm not going to rely on your actions anymore. You think that I'm pretty, you think that I'm beautiful, then tell me. Have the words match your actions. Do not just lie there silent when you know that I'm upset.
You eventually tell me that you're proud of my weightloss from the past week. Then remember and tell me instead of me bringing it up. You tell me that you can't do it. Yes you can. When you are ready and willing to do it for yourself. And when you are, if ever, I'll be right there by your side, cheering you on and assisting you when you want it.
But for now, I'm back to being on my own. This is only going to make me a stronger person. I can see that I'm not always going to be able to count on others to support me, even when I need it. So thank you for that. Something that I thought had changed, I guess hasn't, so thank you.