Wednesday, July 19, 2006

A month

It's been about that long since I had my "last" conversation with Jeremy. During this past month I've done a lot of thinking about my past and my future. I know where I would like my future to go. I can only hope that Scott is thinking the same way and if so, doesn't take forever. Everyday, I'm learning that life is precious and that we could all go just like that. As for my past, I've felt like I was divorced pretty much when I found out that Jeremy lied and betrayed me. And, of course, I'm constantly reminded of it when Donna continues to read about my life. Do I wish things were different? Yes and no. Am I glad that I'm no longer with Jeremy? Yes, because then I wouldn't be with Scott and actually know what being in a healthy relationship means. No, because I do still care about him and always will despite what others would hope for. Do I wish him and Donna happiness? I could really care less what they do. I feel that they will never be 100% happy with each other. If they were, then Jeremy and I never would have gotten together and married. But what they do, is what they do. Do I hope to never see them on the street either by themselves or with each other? Yes. I don't need to feel that hurt again. If I did see them would I turn the other way? Absolutely not. Would I even acknowledge their presence? Would depend on how they reacted to me.
I really want to concentrate on my future, in particular my future with Scott. At times, I feel like we're not going anywhere. At other times, I feel like there will be something more down the road. We are definitely comfortable with each other. It's nice not having to fight everyday like Jeremy and I did. It's nice to have him come home and know that he's with me. Do I want to marry him? I would say yes if he asked me. And he is aware of that. What will the future bring? Something that definitely was not my past......happiness.

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