Confusion

Well, I'm basically sitting here with a dilemma on my mind. I have a job offer but it's for a job that I don't want. I told them that I would let them know tomorrow what I had decided. I'm still waiting to see about the other agency that I interviewed with last week. I was told that the position that I wanted was being restructed or something. I haven't gotten a confirmation about salary yet for a position with that agency. I know that they are interested in me. But it's not for something that I really want to do. Part of me is like take the offered job. But I don't want to take it to only turn around and leave. It's not fair to the agency or the families that I would begin working with. Part of me wouldn't mind a couple days off-especially since it's supposed to hit 100+ next week. Decisions, decisions. Any opinions are welcomed.

Update

Thank God that I didn't have to put Tiger down yesterday. At around 5am, he peed and started eating. Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep Friday night. Thank you Dawn and Tammy for your kind words and your hugs. Right now, he's doing a lot better and chasing his sister and mom around.
Yesterday, my brother came to look at my car. My car has been acting up and has a loud noise and vibration going on. He says that my car won't fall apart on me on the highway so I'm okay. He did change the brake pads and is willing to come over again to fix something else if the mechanic I confer with agrees. It's nice to know that I have his support when I need it.

Devastation

That's how I feel...devastated. I'm probably going to have to put Tiger down today as I cannot afford to pay for what he needs. He again hasn't been able to use the bathroom, eat, etc. I don't know what else to do. I cannot stand to see him struggle for 10-15 in the litter box trying to go to the bathroom.
And to make matters worse, there is something very wrong with my car. I'm hoping that my brother can fix it when he comes to see me today.

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Work Update

I do have a job offer. However it's for a job that I really don't want to do and I could find the same job much closer to home.
I was supposed to have an interview yesterday but I got very lost and no one could really provide me with directions. And, of course, the person that I was supposed to interview with never responded to my phone calls. I did however, receive a phone call from one of her colleagues this morning stating that the person that I was supposed to interview with was sick...so maybe fate played it's hand again.

Ansel Adams

Einstein Quote

"Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom."

Reflective

I've been more reflective lately. Why you might ask. Well just over a year ago, my heart was broken. Extremely broken. More than when my marriage fell apart. More than when I lost my first love. More than when my fiancee and I called it quits...over and over again. Just over a year ago, Scott and I broke up. My life was shattered and the only thing I could hold onto was work and my cats. I cried for 10 days straight. Just cried. Tried to figure out where the hell I went wrong. Did I push too hard to leave NYC? Did I try to keep him at home too much? Did I not give him enough Scott time? Scott has always said, and still does as we are still friends, that I didn't really do anything to push him away. He states that the love for me died. How does love die? About a month or so ago, he admitted something that I knew was the case over a year ago. It hurts to know that he finally realizes that something. Something that I had told him and asked for him to try to change so it would stop interfering with us. Something that if it was dealt with then, we might not be where we are now.
A lot has happened in the past year. I left the security of NYC and my union job with excellent benefits to come to NC where my life has been turned 180 degrees. I've almost lost one of my best friends through this process. I've gained a good friendship and relationship with Joey. I've broken a heart that never deserved to be broken. I've lost my job and a sense of security that I've had since I was 22. And I still continue to speak with Scott on a regular basis-odd I know. I still have my wonderful pain-in-the-butt cats.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. I'm happy that Scott is giddy in his new relationship-reminds me how we were 3 years ago. I'm happy that things have settled down for him. I know that he never meant to hurt me. Maybe that's why it has hurt all the more. I'm glad that I have Joey in my life. If I didn't move down here, I never would have met him. I'm happy to be out of NYC...even though I miss my wacky friends, the wonderful benefits, the stability, and the commute I had so I could read.
I'm hoping that this year's challenges will soon stop and I can move forward in a healthy way. And then I can be reflective of how much of a survivor I am dealing with a different type of crisis.

Progress

I finally took a picture of the cross-stitch project that I started about a year ago. Here's what it looked like after last Sunday. I worked on it yesterday afternoon/evening.

Perfect place for Cathy

Last night Joey and I went for some NC BBQ. We went to a little place where there were pigs EVERYWHERE. Little pigs, big pigs. A huge collection of pigs-ceremics and other materials. I immediately thought of Cathy when I saw all the pigs. So Cathy, if you EVER come down here (maybe after a funeral?), I'll have to take you there.

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Updates

The interview went fine...however salary and benefits was not part of the discussion. The guy I interviewed with didn't have the information. I did get a call from them today wanting me back this afternoon but I was already on the way home so I called them back and asked for sometime next week. I also have another interview scheduled for next Wednesday.
Found out that I'm not getting paid next week like I had expected....not until the 8th sigh....the bills are just piling. Fortunately for me, my fantastic cousin loaned me some money earlier this week and the bank of my brother opened up. Thank God for family.
Now I'm home for a relaxing weekend-have to go to the library and return a book and I'm not sure what else I'll be doing. Joey has to work tomorrow.

Rollercoaster

Tiger decided that this morning would be a great time to go back and not feel well...have trouble going to the bathroom...not eat. I was able to help clear some stuff around his penis to hopefully clear it out so he could urinate...it worked and he has definitely been eating. I did call the vet this morning and picked up some meds on the way home. When I came home this afternoon, he was doing a lot better so hopefully, this morning was just a fluke.

Latest on Life

Well, the couch is in and the cats seem to enjoy it. I've spent my first night on it. Pretty comfortable to sleep on when necessary.
I have an interview Thursday morning. I hope that something works out for me. Would be nice if it was closer to home but...I have the interview.
The temp job is just that...a temp job. Not sure how much longer they really expect us to be needed but oh well...

Weekend update

No papasan chair. Jen and I couldn't get the door open...and because I had to wait all day for Jen, I didn't go with Joey. Which ended up being okay because Jeff couldn't make it (the bass player) so they didn't end up playing AND the puppies weren't there. Hopefully the couch will be a different situation today.

Einstein Quote

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction."

Sigh

Still no real job prospects...not even a phone call from Michael's or JoAnn Fabrics or the several other places I filled out an application for. I have a small chance of working with adults in Durham...not really my thing...but I need a job.
Yesterday all the files went bye-bye to the governing agency. They had sent over a crew of about 10 people-mostly kids doing community service and three nasty supervisors. They acted like they didn't want to be there...I didn't want them there either. We weren't ready for them to be there and certainly not for a crew of 10. So they basically stood around staring at us while we were finishing up. Very nerve-wracking to say the least.
Tiger is doing much better. He took his last dose of medication this morning. Thank you for your kind words and thoughts.
Not 100% sure what this weekend is going to bring me other than a free couch that Joey and his coworker Otis are picking up tomorrow and hopefully today a free papasan chair that my friend Jen and I are getting today (if we can get into the building). Joey is supposed to be getting together with his former bandmates to play and hang out. I'll probably go...at least to see and play with the puppies. I do want to get some stitching done. I did work on an older piece last week. I need to take a picture and post it.
Hope you all have a good weekend.

Einstein Quote

"Any fool can know. The point is to understand."

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Ansel Adams

SBQ

This week's SBQ

How do you balance your stitching time with your other obligations
such as work, household chores, etc.?

-Balance? What does that mean? I have been doing a very poor job of that lately...to the point that I'm barely stitching once a week.

Update on Tiger

He seems to be doing better. Much more talkative and affectionate. It's obvious that he wants out of the bedroom. He still hasn't had a bowel movement that I can find or smell so it will be another call to the vet this morning to find out what I should do. He continues to eat, hasn't been vomiting, and is urinating so......

Morning laugh (At least I thought it was funny)

Thank you Jim Davis.

Einstein Quote

"A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it."

Just when things can't get worse

I came home yesterday to three piles of vomit and Tiger hiding away. I tried to give him a treat, as he loves to eat, and he refused. So I took him to the vet. 2.5 hours later and a bill that costs more than I can afford, he might have a bladder/kidney illness that is common in male cats and could even be fatal. Needless to say, I haven't really slept as Tiger was locked up in the bedroom so I could monitor his eating, drinking, and bathroom movements. I have a feeling I'll have to take him back in this morning as he still isn't urinating a lot and he hasn't had a bowel movement. Just wish I had the money. Anybody want to loan me some?

Well......

I started the temp job today. Got a huge chunk of the filing of current cases done but there is still a lot to do. They're claiming that they are going to keep us for the next 30 days but Jen and I are thinking, "What the hell are we going to do once these cases are filed?" We can only make so many calls to families and agencies.
I also handed in several applications to places like Michaels, JoAnn Fabrics, World Market, etc. I have to find something. The bills are not going away.

Weekend

Well, the cookout was a success in my book-good food (how I ended up cooking it, I will never understand). Dogs had fun. Joey and I threw a frisbee around for a little bit. Then we came home and pretty much did our own things.
Today, I'm planning on seeing Spooked with a ghost-hunting group here in Raleigh. It's being shown at a local library where I conveniently have to return a book. I'm also planning on hitting a few stores with my resume to fill out job applications so I can get something. I'm approaching the desperate stage.

Cutie Alert

Einstein Quote

"May the conscience and the common sense of the peoples be awakened, so that we may reach a new stage in the life of nations, where people will look back on war as an incomprehensible aberration of their forefathers!"

4th of July

First, happy birthday to my dad...I've already spoken with him this morning. What sucks is that I'm supposed to be with him and my mom for the weekend...damn employment situation...
Today, I'm going to be hanging out with some former coworkers and having a little picnic/cookout. It's interesting considering that we all don't have money and we're somehow making it work. The hanging out with each other is much more important than the food in my opinion.
So to the fellow USAers, have a great day off from work!

Latest on the job front

I went into my old office yesterday to volunteerily meet with the governing agency to triage the clients. It took about 2 and a half hours for my friend Jen and I to go through almost everyone. Jen and I also agreed to temporarily work for the county to help transition these families to their new agencies. So at least I have some little money coming in but the job isn't going to last long.
Tuesday evening, I had found out that some people received the rest of their May pay...you can imagine how livid I was because I wasn't like everyone else and refused to work or had their contract terminated. So yesterday, I had the pleasure of confronting my former supervisor. I had a feeling about what excuse she was going to use (the people had continued to be there) and was told that after their meeting with the lawyers they could only make 2 checks-one to the person who can bill (which I'm fine with) and the lawyers (why the fuck should they get a check before everyone else? No offense to any lawyers out there-just a little frustration). So now I really have no idea if I'll get paid and if so, when.
I completely feel like I did when I was married and could never get a straight answer. At least, then I was only dealing with Jeremy and Donna. This time, it's a whole bunch of people and it's beyond frustrating.
And then to top it all off....I didn't get the job I had recently interviewed for. My resume has been sent off to various places and I haven't really gotten any callbacks. I'm debating on if I should hit the pavements and go to store to store to see if they're hiring.

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Well, I did it

I've started my selling craft blog. Please check it out. I welcome any thoughts to improve it.

Cutie Alert

Einstein Quote

"The true value of a human being is determined primarily by the measure and the sense in which he has attained to liberation from the self."