Wednesday, January 11, 2006

A mushy gushy lovey dovey moment

As I was walking from the subway to my job, I thought about how lucky I am to be with Scott. After several years of thinking that nothing could be better than the situations that I was getting into, I can now see what love is and what it means to me. Until I had a little soul searching last May and understood that I needed to go out and see what else was available to me could I see. So I did and found Scott. It's hard for me to imagine where I was even a year ago, I've changed so much. I now am happy. A huge concept that I still have trouble grasping. I now want to do things for Scott just because I love him. I look at him and I fall in love with him all over again. I just sit there with him lounging on the couch and it's perfect. Scott isn't perfect (like anyone is) and his imperfections add to his personality and the reasons why I love him. I can honestly say that I haven't loved anyone like I love Scott. Not Jeremy. Not Ken. Not Erik. Now the fears of loving too intensely come sneaking up. These fears are more about pushing Scott away because of how much I love him. I try to keep some of that love wrapped up only because in the past, I've been burned so many times. Lucky for me, Scott has appreciated my love and doesn't seem to take it for granted. He isn't afraid to show me affection. He isn't afraid to show me love. And for that I'm so grateful. I can see the love that he has for me, something that a year ago, I wouldn't have been ready for and wouldn't have been able to see.

No comments: