Thoughts for Friday

Where is she?
Can you be anymore pathetic?
Will I ever have a normal exam?
Well, I guess I survived.
I'm extremely lucky to have Scott on my side.

From a yahoo group friend

Thoughts for today

1 shower or 2?
I'm being watched over by my kids of the past
Is it just me or are more people sleeping on the train these days?
Isn't miscommunication just wonderful?
Cops causing car accidents-gotta love it.

Finished my class

I finished my forensics class today. I have to say that it was pretty informative and fun trying to solve 2 cases. I'll probably be taking some more online classes to learn other things that I'm interested in.

10 Years

10 Freakin' Years
Okay, so I'm stealing this from Kristie, who got it from somewhere else, I believe. Neat how that works.

Ten years ago, it was 1996. Take this survey, post the results, and see how many things have changed since then.

1) How old were you?
THEN: 19/20
NOW: 29/30

2) Where did you go to school?
THEN: Southampton College of Long Island University
NOW: I probably should finish up my Master's-so maybe I'll finish it at Fordham

3) Where did you work?
THEN: I didn't-was going to school full-time-I might have been tutoring
NOW: as a social worker

4) Where did you live?
THEN: in a dorm
NOW: Brooklyn

5) How was your hairstyle?
THEN: long-no real style
NOW: growing it out-kinda long with layers

6) Did you wear braces?
THEN: No.
NOW: No.

7) Did you wear contacts?
THEN: Yes.
NOW: no

8) Did you wear glasses?
THEN: yes
NOW: yes

9) Who was your best friend?
THEN: Mike, Tracy, Tricia, Ken
NOW: Tracy, Tricia, Scott, Ken

10) Which of your pets were still alive?
THEN: I had a hermit crab
NOW: Zeit, Suzie, Tiger, Boots, Jul

11) Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend?
THEN: Kinda Mike, Eric and Erik
NOW: Scott :-)

12) Who was your celebrity crush?
THEN: Andre Agassi, Kevin Costner, Denzel Washington
NOW: Andre Agassi, Denzel Washington, Taye Diggs

13) Who was your regular-person crush?
THEN: Mike, Ken
NOW: Ken

14) How many piercings did you have?
THEN: two in each ear.
NOW: Same.

15) How many tattoos did you have?
THEN: None.
NOW: 2

16) What was your favorite band/singer?
THEN: Metallica, Tori Amos
NOW: Live, Tori Amos

17) Had you smoked cigarettes?
THEN: yes
NOW: No.

18) Had you gotten drunk?
THEN: yes
NOW: I guess

19) Had you DRIVEN?
THEN: Yes.
NOW: Yes.

20) If so which car?
THEN: 1988 Pontiac Lemans
NOW: don't have one

21) Looking back, are you where you thought you would be in 2006?
Definitely not.

Motivation...or lack there of

I cannot seem to get any motivation to get back on an exercise regime. I start a dvd and then stop after about 5 or 10 miinutes. It's not like the dvds are bad. I just can't stick with it. It could be because I still can't afford a gym membership yet and that has me a little bummed. I need to do something before my clothes really start to not fit me.

Thoughts for the day...

Mush is great-especially when accompanied by cat hair
If you dislike me so much, why do you bother to check on my life?
Good thing I'm happy
What to do? What to do?
Scott's friends are wacky.
Will I be able to not cry if and when I get remarried?
Zeit hogs the couch, the bed, the floor, whatever she can lie on.
Cats should not have soda flicked on them.
What to do? What to do?
Finally....training is over and done with.
Can my boss be anymore obnoxious at a training?
Who knows when I'll be in my other office which opens next week.
The past will never seem to let go.
I'm sick and tired of residing in the Big Apple and really want to get out.
What to do? What to do?

Just when I thought it was safe

It came back to pay a visit during their work day.
Oh well-see how it looks and feels to have moved on and away from the stupid chaos!

Training Days

Ho hum. The last training day for me-a refresher of what I've been sitting in the past 2 days!!! And to start it all off, I'm a trainer in what I was being "trained" in Monday and Tuesday. Doesn't make sense does it? I can understand taking the refresher training today-which is supposed to be geared towards trainers-but not the past 2 days when I'm already a trainer. Yes, it was okay to sit there and get a refresher from the developer BUT to then be there today? No sense. And it's all thanks to the Head Hancho. Could be worse, of course. But still, 3 days?!?!?!?

"Run Away! Run Away!"

Last night, Scott and i went to see Spamalot on Broadway. I highly recommend it to any fan of Monty Python. It's similar to The Holy Grail but enough has been changed with new jokes that it doesn't seem like the jokes are played out. It was also great to see that Eric Idle, who wrote it, doesn't take himself seriously. Spamalot spoofed on almost anything, including Broadway musicals and what goes into a Broadway musical. Both Scott and I laughed out loud during several parts. The casting was decent-no real famous names but still great singing and dancing. I'm glad that I've been able to see it as I had been wanting to see it since it came out last year.

Finished my first short story in years

Had some time to finish up my short story that I started a couple of months ago. I'm impressed that I was able to finish it. Now I just have to type it on Scott's laptop-which will be a review-and then have my editor for life (Scott) read and tear it apart when he gets the chance.
It's a story about overcoming a major obstacle. It was an idea that I had running in my head for a while and, of course, while writing it, it took a life of it's own. So I still have an original idea bopping around in my head. And I still have my Kill, The Urge Is In Me series of poetry. I can always come up with additional ones for that!

Finished another project

I seem to be on a roll lately. Even though, my anklet isn't too complicated, I finished it last night. I'm still not sure what I'll be doing next-probably a needlepoint for my friend's mother-a repeated project of something I made for my mother for Mother's Day. I do also have several other projects that have been started and need to be completed. And, who can forget, all the latch hooks kits that are in the back room that still need to be done? Unfortunately, some don't have a home to go to anymore-gifts that were going to be made for my ex and his family. Oh well.

Ken really does exist!

For those of you who have teased me for too many years about Ken only being a doll, I have a witness that has seen him!
My friend from work, Allison and I went to see Journey and Def Leppard last night at Jones Beach and Ken was also there with his girlfriend. I knew that he was going but wasn't expecting him to be sitting about 12 rows in front of me. And seeing him brought back several memories. I've been friends with him for 13 years and have lusted after him for most of those years. Yes, he has returned the lustful feelings so it hasn't been a complete waste of my emotions. Ken would be the one big temptation. But seeing Ken also reinforced my feelings of never wanting or needing to cheat on Scott. Something that still surprises me at times. Guess that when you are in a positive relationship without little girls from the past butting in you can remain focused on that positive relationship.

Sports News Update

Andre Agassi is retiring after the US Open this summer. Now for me, this is probably the end of tennis for a while. I've enjoyed watching Andre play ever since he first stepped out on the pro circuit with his wild and crazy hair. I've been a fan of his since then and never wavered. I cried when he won Wimbledon. I've cried when I first watched him practice with his then coach, Brad Gilbert, at the US Open several years ago. This year, Scott and I are going to the US Open and hopefully, he will be playing the first night like he used to.

A Few of My Favorite Things

Scott
Zeit
Suzie
Tiger
Boots
Jul
Crackhead Cuz
Finally having a stable office
Bosses who lend me their DVDs
Bosses who understand that animals are more important than the humans that we serve.
Friends who will never have me be a godparent for their children.
Friends who have major arguments are able to put the past behind and friends again.
The freedom of going to relive my youth and seeing Def Leppard in concert-despite the hellish commute.
The fact that I was able to see my favorite band on my birthday.
The ability to read.
The ability to understand and enjoy games.
Cooking a kick ass meal
When someone else cooks a kick ass meal.
A good cup of joe made by me.
A good cup of Joe made by someone else and it's free.
Being divorced.
Knowing I have a future.
Seeing Scott come home.
Going on vacation.
Seeing Andre Agassi play at the US Open.
Getting a hug and being called Sweetheart by Denzel Washington.
Being 2 feet away from stealing Colin Quinn's leather jacket.
Knowing that I will not be spending the rest of my life in the Big Apple.
Finishing craft projects.
Walking in the rain.
Seeing a flashing neon number.
Being in love.

-all of these are in no particular order

Decided to treat myself

with my next craft project-an anklet. Since I'm slightly ahead of schedule, I figured that I could start an anklet for me and if I need to start a new scheduled project, then I could. The anklet is of pastel colors-hopefully Scott will show me how to download pictures from his digital so I can upload them onto my blog as I have several finished craft projects that I want to exhibit.
Also, I decided to rejoin my gym. So today, I'm going to sign back up. I'll probably be going before work like I used to. I'm just so sick and tired of looking at what I call, this disgusting body. I've gained too much weight over the past year (could only imagine why with the problems with Jeremy and money). So I need to do this for myself, so I can be happy with myself. Maybe this will spark something in Scott as he has stated that he isn't happy with the way that he looks either (even though, to me, he's fine).

Pathetic

I guess I'm just not supposed to be left alone by my past. I got an email from my ex-husband's girlfriend telling me to grow up, etc. Of course, she's responding to something that was written over a week ago and all she does is focus on how I gave my ex-husband my blogsite information-not her mind you but him and by mistake no less. Not even worth responding to now. I do have to admit that when I saw it, all I did was laugh, forward it to my ex and let it go. For some reason, the past continues to linger. I hope that they find something that they like. All I can say is that go ahead, read about my life, and see how I've moved on. See how I'm happy. If I write something that pisses you off-good. If I write something that makes you laugh or smile-even better. Just don't bother me. For you to go on my site everyday and like today, at least 3 times, it's just pathetic.

Just have to say.....

that I'm an extremely lucky person. I'm in love and am loved back. I have a decent job. I have my crackhead. I have my friends. Sure, things will always be wanted but right now, I don't need them. So to those that I've mentioned, just want to tell you that I appreciate having you in my life.

Let it go

Are you that afraid that I'll say something about you or the one that you're with? Are you jealous of what a happy life looks like? Are you just bored at work? Just let it go. I have nothing left to say to you or the one that you're with. It's over. The situation is over. Go on and try to be happy with your life. Don't bother looking in the past. If I need to contact you, I will. If I need to contact the person that you're with, I will. Just let it go.

2nd week

It's the start of my second week with my own people. I have to say that I have a small advantage over others in the fact that I'm dealing with a small amount of people compared to others. This is also my challenge as most of these people know each other and have a strong relationship with each other. At least I tentatively have meetings scheduled. And I have 17 cases to deal with. Now if only the supplies would come.

Finished another craft

I finished a project that I was making for a regular viewer. Hope that they enjoy it. So far, this year, I've been making some great progress on getting some of my craft projects done. Unfortunately, I don't feel like I'm getting enough done but I know that I will soon enough.

Brooklyn Botanical Gardens

Last year, my ex, Sal, had given me a membership to these gardens. I'm taken advantage of the membership so a thank you to Sal. I try to go every month and everytime I go, I'm amazed at how much it changes month after month. Today I went to check out the roses and they were beautiful-lots of different colors-and of course, I forgot to bring the camera. Guess, I'll just have to go back! I also got several plants for the apartment, something that Scott and I had been discussing for months. I just hope that they survive. I also hope that the cats stay away from them!

It's over

Jeremy called me yesterday to congratulate me on the divorce-strange, yes I know but he's a strange man at times. It lead me to lots of mixed emotions: anger, sadness, concern. Definitely steps back from where I was at before the call. The conversation didn't really answer questions that I had but it just doesn't matter anymore. He's free to do what he wants. And more importantly, I'm free to do what I want. Fully cherish who I'm with and plan for the future as needed. So with that being said....Good-bye Jeremy

After my own boy

adopt your own virtual pet!

For Boss Lady

adopt your own virtual pet!

IT'S OFFICIAL

At least according to the court website....I'm officially divorced. I'm officially single. I now have Jeremy legally out of my life. And, of course, I have understandable mixed feelings. I will and have missed Jeremy being a intregal part of my life but I don't miss the fights. I can now move on with what I want to do and not worry about being legally attached. Also, confession time....I lied to you. About something rather big. All I can say is that at least it got you moving. So how does it feel to be lied to by someone who loves you? As long as you are where you are, get used to the lying and betrayal. How does it feel to be on the receiving end of the lie?
Jeremy- I will miss you. A small part of me will forever love and care about you. If you decide to listen to this piece of advice-hold onto it-if you're not happy or planning on fulfilling other's dreams, then stop leading them on-it isn't fair to them. Do what you need to do to be happy in your life. And like you learned with our marriage, never sacriface yourself for someone else.

RIP

Shasta passed away. She was Scott's mother and stepfather's sweet adorable border collie, husky mix dog. Even though I only had the pleasure of seeing her a couple of times, she made an impact on me. She would immediately recognize me as one of the people that paid attention to her and actually shared her time with me and Dave. I'm sure that Dave, especially, is so sad about losing his little girl. I hope that both of them are doing okay and will lean on others if needed. Shasta, now you're out of pain, and looking down at your family. You were such a sweet dog.

My new animal

adopt your own virtual pet!

Progress

Well, I was able to type up the short story that I've been working on-yeah me. Surprisingly it's already 5 pages and I'm not done with it. I've also been able to get some new cds listened to. Not too bad. Here's to progress!

Back to the gym?

Now that one of my offices is officially open and I'm somewhat stable. I'm thinking about rejoining my gym. I've gained way too much weight the past year after working so hard to get it off. And medication doesn't help. So when I went to court yesterday, I remembered that the gym that I was a member at is right there so I'm debating on going in and taking a look at prices for membership. I need to get rid of this weight and my videos and DVDs are not helping me lose it-keep it stable yes but not losing it.

Another cute one

What the...? for football fans

If you're a fan of American football and haven't heard what happened to the Pittsburgh Steelers star quarterback-you know the one who was smart enough to win the last Superbowl in February-here you go. He was in a motorcycle accident. In stable but serious condition. Now my main question is....if you play in one of the hardest hitting sports where a helmet is a must, why the hell wouldn't you were one while driving a motorcycle-one of the most deadliest vechicles if you get in an accident?

RIP

to Nelly, a sweet kind beagle who passed away last Friday. I know that you will be missed and that you gave great pleasure to your mom. I know that you were heartbroken when your husband, Fred, passed away last year. But now, you're back with your Fred and looking over your mom and brother Spanky. I had fun seeing you when I came over to walk Spanky and Fred. Your sweet, soft, brown eyes with the slight wag of your tail. You lived a good life, Nell.

I'm confused

If you say that you only check my blog because I've written on someone else's, why do you continue to look at my blog? Especially since I don't post and never have posted anything on your blog nor on someone else's? Confusion sinks in-guess it must be jealousy of what a good life looks like-or maybe you're actually concerned. Gee, how nice...well, I wish you weren't.

Finally

After what feels like a year or so, one of my permanent offices is opening today. So I'll have a shorter commute part-time which will truly cut in on my reading time. But, at least, I'll be in control. People will be coming to me...the Queen of a borough, for assistance! Yes, I'm having a little ego problem right now-blaming it on the coffee. Now I just need to find something to do before I have to leave and meet a coworker in order to open up the office and get my keys. I've already gotten ready so I don't know what to do-maybe I'll do the dishes or I could concentrate on my forensics class.

Still in pain

Even though I haven't done much today other than watch Fame: Season 1, work on my latest craft project (a gift for a regular) and played a little poker, I still have a headache-not quite as bad as earlier today but it comes and goes. My pain in my side has been consistent which is unusual-hopefully it will end by the time I head into work tomorrow.
At least I have the royal family keeping me company.

Will I ever feel 100% again?

I woke up this morning with that pain in my side and with another headache. Scott and I planned on both of us going to CT to help celebrate a huge milestone for his brother but I've decided not to go because of how I'm feeling. I'm so sick and tired of getting these headaches. I've been used to getting the side pains for years but these headaches are relatively new. I probably should follow-up with my doctor and then take the risk of having to get a MRI-something that I did not do well with the last time I went. So now to occupy my time until I need to go to bed.

Cuteness alert

Tell me this isn't cute

Thanks ASPCA

Dealing with the bullshit

It's amazing what so-called adults will do to each other. I'm not innocent of this. I did try to be the bigger person and ask for an agreement of ending the feud-which of course I didn't get a response-I'll assume that it's fine. I deleted the ridiculous comments that both of us were making because it wasn't helping anyone. All it was doing was pissing each other off. It's my blog and I will post what I want, what I feel. I know that it will piss off others but that's why they have their own blogs to say what they want. I'm not going to apologize for lashing out about the antics of my husband. It's just more proof that I made the right decision when I left him. For some, they don't know the complete story and they never will unless they can stop trying to only take one side and actually attempt to listen to the other side. But, then again, the complete story doesn't involve certain people, and it never should. My marriage to my husband is about me and him. So is the divorce. For some, they forget that I did help pay for it. I did agree to having it done in the first place. There were several reasons why I left my husband. I believe that my husband knows most of them, maybe doesn't understand it all, but knows them. I'm beyond the point of asking him to understand why anymore. It's obvious that I've moved on and I'm happy. It's obvious that he moved on-whether he's happy or not-I'm not 100% sure that he is. But then again, I don't know what would make him 100% happy. In my opinion, the best thing that I did for myself, was getting out of the vicious cycle that the 4 of us were in. I can only hope that if the other 3 are not happy, that they do what is necessary to make themselves happy and if it's getting out of the cycle, then they need to get out of it. I hope that some don't continue to live in the fog that they have been living in for the past 8 years. But if they can live in the fog and pretend to be happy, then it's their choice. If you feel the need to lash out against me, don't bother. Have a bitch session with each other. I'm through with going back and forth with the childish behaviors.

Live's new album

Is somewhat a disappointment. I managed to finally find a copy yesterday and listened to it to try to unwind from the bullshit of yesterday but I found myself disappointed in the album. If only it was like the concert.

LIVID

I am soooooooooooooooooooo pissed off right now. And yet again more proof that Jeremy is a FUCKING COWARD. He did something that we agreed wasn't going to be done and now I'm extremely sorry that I went along with signing affidivits for him. FUCKING BASTARD. I can only hope that Donna wakes up and sees that she will never get what she wants from him-marriage, kids, etc. Forget about him remaining truthful or not betraying her in some fashion-she already had to sign something for him. Why does she bother with him? I know the reasons why and I won't post them here. It's not necessarily her fault that she's with a fucking loser who has no concept of being honest with someone that he cares (cared?) about.

my life

Well, I'm really enjoying my class so far. I'm already doing lesson 3.
I'll be going to one of my permanent offices starting Monday-WooHoo!!! About time!
Divorce should be finalized hopefully in a couple of weeks.
I still like Scott (yeah, amazing I know).
Royal Family continues to thrive.
Apartment is finished.
Crafts are getting done.
Games are being played.
Meals are being cooked.

New class

Well, I'm taking an online class at Barnes and Noble University. I'm taking a forensic class. It sounds interesting and the book that I need to read looks interesting. So I'll probably start that tonight. I've always had an interest in forensic psychology and shows like CSI have increased my interest. Before my current job, I was considering going to John Jay College for forensic psychology but never felt like taking that damn test to enter. I still have strong urges to go back and learn everything I can about the subject. I have done some interesting reading-one for example was the book written about The Body Farm run by Dr. Buss. So now I'm starting this class and I hope that I'll learn something that will influence me to go learn more or not.

Little Suzy Homemaker

It's official-I've gone completely insane and have turned into a little homemaker. Right now, I'm baking chocolate banana bread. I made pancakes this morning. I tried to repair Scott's clothes on Friday. I'm trying to consistantly work on my crafts. What is the world coming to?

Crafts

I've been trying to increase my time in getting some of my craft projects done. I've also joined a few crafting groups on yahoo. Some of these people have so much talent! In fact I was looking at some blogs this morning of people who have done some fantastic crochet projects. I'm becoming more and more inspired to take some lessons and start working on crochet and/or knit projects.

Trying to recapture my college days

As I've stated several times, Scott likes to play games. Luckily, so do I and one of the ones that I've missed playing is the classic Dungeons and Dragons. I used to play this in college with my then boyfriend Mike, and our friends, Ben, Heather, sometimes Nick, and the Dungeon Master, Dan. Dan set us up on several great missions-one year was based on what we had to read during our senior year-The Iliad. We played for 2 years-the first year I was Bob. I forgot exactly what type of character Bob was but the following year, I was Bobina-the great great great granddaughter of Bob. She was a vampress. Probably the biggest surprise, at least for Dan, was we were facing a giant and I said that Bobina was going to have sex with it. Even better, I survived. I had to roll a 19 or a 20 on a 20-sided die. So now, Scott knows about my memories about playing D & D so he wanted to get a game that would be reminiscent for me of D & D. We purchased a game called Runebound this week and are in the middle of playing it now. I enjoy it and it does have a similar feel to D & D where you are faced with adventures. What's missing for me is the atmosphere of which I played it in and I know that I'll never get that back with Mike, Ben, Heather and Dan being so far apart and some of us not speaking with each other. So here's to the memories.

Weekend time!!!!

Finally some peace and quiet without people trying to repair the walls. Even though it's been a strange week, I'm glad that the weekend is here. More time to finish up some craft projects-one I cannot post as it's a surprise for a regular reader but some others that I'm in the process of doing is a Garfield cross stitch for my Dad's birthday and a hot air balloon needlepoint for my aunt for whenever I finish it (I've been doing it for years already). So far this year, I've been able to get some of my craft stuff done or organized-one of my goals for the year. I still have a lot more to do but hopefully I'll get to them sooner than later.
Update on the royal family:
Tiger is fine just has to go on a diet.
Zeit has a deflated blueberry.
Boots is still a crackhead kitty.
Suzie has found a new windowsill to sit on (makes for showering time interesting).
Scott is okay despite the stress of missing work.
I'm doing okay now that my body is getting back to normal.

New Yahoo Group

I've decided to start my own yahoo group covering 2 interests of mine-reading and crafts.
It's free and if you would like to join in you can get the link from here:
Reading and Crafts Group

Cowardliness (grumble grumble...damn editors!)

I don't have the time to continue to deal with people, in particular one, who cannot face up to the fact that they fucked up, leaked something to someone, and then cannot even apologize for doing it. It's just a sign of their immaturity and reinforces my knowledge that what I did 1.5 years ago was the right decision. So to you cowards out there, it's time to grow up before life really throws you the nasty curveball and you have to be mature and take responsibility for your actions. You might even have to learn to apologize or better yet understand what it means to be held in confidence and have someone trust you.

Back to work it is

As much as I enjoyed (note sarcasm) staying home and watching people destroy my apartment to only put it back together, I'm needed at work. I have a major meeting this afternoon where my attendance is absolutely necessary. It's almost so nice being needed. So Scott gets to stay home. Unfortunately, Tiger is having some bathroom issues so if something doesn't happen soon, I have a feeling that it will be a vet visit soon.