Thursday, August 10, 2006

Reflection

With Scott and my anniversary coming up next week, I have been doing a lot of internal reflection on where I'm at in life and where I used to be. Before I met Scott face to face, I really wasn't sure if I thought that I would be able to love someone again as much as I love(d) Jeremy. I certainly wasn't up to even thinking about getting remarried. I knew that I didn't want to be just dating around for the rest of my life.
Careerwise, I was getting burned out and was anticipating this new position that I'm currently in. Hell, I helped try to make sure we got the positions here. I was sick and tired of dealing with the same bullshit everyday. I had far aspirations of getting my craft ideas out in the world. I had farther aspirations of trying to make money with my writing. Both of which, I've come just slightly further along in trying to advance.
In regards to remaining in the Big Apple, I've always known that I've never wanted to stay in this city-too many people-but never really thought about moving despite Jeremy and I speaking about it once or twice during our marriage. Now, with the rent increases, people and their issues, possibly getting married to Scott and raising a family, my desires of getting the hell out of here has increased. Of course, Scott isn't 100% ready to move yet. To be honest, either am I. I just moved a year ago and since Scott and I have so much crap it would be a nightmare to even know where to start.
Overall, I'm in much better state of mind than I was a year ago. I'm not wondering how much longer Jeremy is going be a lazy pain in the ass about the divorce. The divorce is done with. I'm not trying to find that man of my dreams. I have him. I'm not wondering how much longer I have to travel all around the City. I basically have an office job which I enjoy.

2 comments:

Emerald Giant said...

Hope you are doing well.
I got your message and I am sorry I couldn't reply sooner my phone is off had a stange week sorry for the lost was a very good bunny I'll miss jewel still got pics of them, talk later.

Scott said...

At least I post in complete sentences, with punctuation. I appreciate his sentiment, though.