Tuesday, November 29, 2005

What to say?

So, I'm having an okay day, especially since Jeremy texted me this morning and told me that he went to court-or at least that's what I can assume. And then I read the blog-Scott's blog and all I can do is cry and wonder. I've been working on my trust issues especially after Jeremy's bullshit with Donna and his lies and betrayal. I figured that, hey, here's a decent guy, no reason to question him or his actions. Let me put 100% or at least 90% of my trust into him, especially since I agreed to move in with him. Now don't get me wrong, Scott's a wonderful guy and I love him, much more than I ever expected to love someone this close to moving out from Jeremy. And I know that he still cares about his ex-especially since he was planning on moving to Canada to be with her and I'm not exactly sure how the break-up went-just that it was horrible. But to read that he checked out her blog, without even saying anything to me that he was tempted to kinda hurts. Yes, he has every right to do what he wants and I want him to continue to feel that way. It's just hard because in the past, when he has thought about her, he has made a point of telling me before anything was published on his blog. Yes, there probably wasn't a good time to tell me since I was on my way home when he posted it but still. I have to continue to work hard on these issues or I'm never going to be happy.
I guess the timing of the whole thing is bothering the hell out of me too. Last night, I went to my union to speak with a lawyer about seeing if I was able to file for divorce since I was the one that left Jeremy and wasn't really doing well emotionally afterwards, especially on the way home. A lot of that is because of me feeling stupid that Jeremy wouldn't continue to lie to me after we got married or that he would even think about calling her after he promised me that he wouldn't. So thanks to this boy, I'm having major issues trusting others. I want to trust Scott 100% but now seeing that he went on her blog and then wrote about his feelings about her loss, I don't know. I want him to feel what he feels and not feel that he needs to keep that part of himself closed. I'm sorry that the situation happened to her but why did he go on there? Why? Just why? Why now?

1 comment:

silentdibs said...

Yes, the timing isn't good, and in some part it's been triggered by your frustrations with Jeremy.
And I wanted to talk to you in person about it, as I have, and I'm glad you seem to understand what I meant and how I feel.
Winter is never a great time for me, and this one might be rougher than most. But we're together and we have a big picture to keep us in focus.